The Best Tenkai According To
by val'tanelle
Summary: Inspired by the topic “The Best Tenkai” in CNW; each star from Suikoden I to Suikoden V come together to discuss who the best Tenkai is. Yes, that includes Thomas.
1. the TRAGIC past!

**The Best Tenkai According To...  
By himig**

**Summary:** Inspired by the topic "The Best Tenkai" in CNW; each star from Suikoden I to Suikoden V come together to discuss who the best Tenkai is. Yes, that includes Thomas.

**Disclaimer:** Don't own Suikoden.

**Author's Notes:** I was inspired mostly by the Thomas jokes we were pulling while discussing the best Tenkai. Haha, you can guess who's always last on the list. Anyway, this is AN IMPORTANT NOTE: I never played S3 – S5 xD so if anyone's willing to help me...haha.

This was originally "The Best Tenkai According To..." the different stars, but I fell in love with the Tenkai's suddenly XDDD I will insert many stars/characters though.

**Warning:** HUMOR HUMOR HUMOR. Not so much in this chapter. I'm imagining the castle soundtrack from S2! Oh, and some cursing...

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**  
The Best Tenkai According To...  
...the TRAGIC past  
**

**This is the first part of the story!  
**

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TIR MCDOHL – TYPICAL GOOD-NATURED 'COOL' BOY, SON OF A GENERAL

RIOU – QUIET BUT CONFIDENT AND STRONG BOY, ADOPTED SON OF A HERO

THOMAS – AVERAGE SHY BUT RIGHTEOUS BOY, SON OF AN UNCARING POLITICIAN

LAZLO EN KULDES – SPLIT-PERSONALITY BOY, SON OF THE PREVIOUS OWNER OF THE RUNE OF PUNISHMENT

FREYJADOUR FALENAS – DILIGENT AND SMART, OVERPROTECTIVE BROTHER/BOY, SON OF THE PREVIOUS QUEEN OF FALENA

"...I'm not really sure how to start."

"Well," the silver-haired prince said, trying to settle his discomfort with the way he sat. "How come we have to sit on pillows, not on chairs?"

"It's the traditional Japanese style in formal gatherings," the boy with a gold circlet around his forehead answered, completely comfortable sitting on his calves.

He gritted his teeth, pain shaking from his legs. Despite this, he grunted with sarcasm, "Really? I supposed we have biscuits and teas from Britain..."

"No, just tea," the boy answered happily, raising a hot pot of tea from the hearth lying on the centre of the five young men. To emphasize the tea, the sipping of an Island Nation native resounded in the quiet room peacefully.

"This _is_ a tea ceremony, you know," the Island Nations native said, putting down his tea bowl.

The one from Toran looked around the tea room doubtfully. "Shouldn't this place go to Lepant's group, or Tai Ho's..."

"I think there was a mistake."

The Toran and Island Nations looked at each other, then at the last member who has yet to speak.

"Er...! You don't like it?"

The boy from Toran smiled boyishly. "No, I think it's all right! It is peaceful, so I don't mind." The Island Nations native nodded. "It doesn't exactly suit me, but the setting compliments us anyway."

"I love it," the boy with the circlet agreed, nodding with enthusiasm.

"..."

Everyone looked at the prince.

"...I..."

The one from Toran grinned, pointing a finger towards the door. "There is a bathroom..."

"Prince Freyjadour, you don't really have to seat like that..."

The prince looked at the young castle owner, then the pose everyone was holding. A twitching eyebrow glared as he looked again at Thomas, comfortably sitting on his calves. His head hang down.

"I refuse to give up..."

The Island Nation native inhaled the tea aroma pleasantly. "You got your father's Island Nations stubbornness."

"I suppose you have one too, Lazlo?"

He smiled at the prince. "No, I was born before Island Nations Federation was formed." His eyes sparked mysteriously in a shroud of darkness. "I only had cunningness to survive, hehehe..."

"..."

"...I can still feel on my hands Snowe's father's feet and its odious, nauseating scent. Oh, they fed me well, but so many days I couldn't eat...each bite, I felt like I was eating the...the...THING in the middle of those hairy toes...and Snowe. That bastard loved scarring the hell out of me to make me piss my pants..."

The Toran hero was the only one who was too shocked to be able to say something. "I thought Snowe was your best friend."

Suddenly, light gave way from Lazlo's reappearing smile, shooing the ominous blue spirits that were floating around his head. The Toran hero almost fell backwards at the angelic smile on his face.

"Of course he is! Snowe had never posed himself as a master, but as a friend even though I was a servant!"

"Then..."

"—but now that I'm less of a stupid pushover who would believe Nay-Kobolds are spawns from Hell, those memories of heart-threatening misadventures and traumatic situations I was forcibly thrust into makes me want to let him taste it twice...no, three times...hundred times...eternally..." Lazlo shook darkly.

"...okay..."

"We all had dark days," the prince commented. His eyes travelled to the ceiling in thought. "Hmm...well, mine wasn't that traumatic, before the civil war, of course. Before Lym was born or before Lyon was with me, I've always been taken care of really well. I already know my position politically isn't significant. My parents told me that straightforwardly, but no one can just say that. They muttered more against my parents' backs, so I just have to withstand them with patience. My father said I should just remain strong..."

"That's why you're still going to sit like that, Prince?" the Toran hero snickered slyly. The prince, reminded of his sitting position, suddenly turned purple and shook.

The circlet-wearing boy laughed gently, less on the Toran hero's statement. "The Prince and I have similar stories, except it's in a normal village setting. I was bullied because I was adopted...and my sister says it's because I let them...I guess she's right." He stuck his tongue out, rubbing the back of his head. "How about you, Tir?"

Tir smiled at his reminisce. "Well, Gremio really took care of me. There was also Cleo, Pahn, Master Kai...everyone. Though I miss my father from time to time, I'm proud of him. Even when I was kidnapped during the Succession War...well, it was scary, but I know they'd come for me."

Tir then noticed the castle owner's' face falling. "Thomas, what's wrong?"

Thomas looked up, forcing a smile. "Ha? Um...it just made me think of my father...well, I really wanted to know more of my father, but he doesn't really want me..."

Silence.

"I mean...does he really look at me as a son? Did he love me? Loved mother? I didn't really come to him for money, but he's my father, so I thought...I thought I'd find home with him even though we've never really met..."

Prince Freyjadour fixed his eyes at Thomas.

"This hobbit is scoring."

The occupants of the room almost jumped to their feet at the sound of familiar villainous laughter. When they stirred around, they found the source to be Lazlo.

"HAHAHA!" Lazlo slowly stood up, smirking at Thomas. "I grew up as a servant, no parents, no clue who I really was!" One of his swords escaped from its scabbard. Thomas edged away as Lazlo pointed it near his nose. "And it was FREAKINGLY one hundred fifty years—"

"That's my timeline," Tir interrupted.

"Thomas is fifteen years after Riou, and Rio is three years after Tir, so one hundred fifty plus eighteen...that'd be one hundred sixty-eight years..."

Tir blinked at the prince. "You can add?"

"What? It's basic math..."

"No, it's just that none of us here underwent schooling. For some reason, all I was taught was how to wield the staff."

"Did you ask your mentor what the point of algebra is?"

"Yea."

"What happened?"

"He taught me how to wield the staff."

"Pythagorean Theorem?"

"Taught me how to wield the staff."

"Trigonometry?"

"Taught me how to wield the staff."

"Application of pie?"

"Told me to ask Gremio."

Prince Freyjadour was silent. "I think I already lost this round." He looked at the circlet-wearing boy. "You too, Riou?"

'I'm not that stupid. You use pie to hit someone on the face."

"..."

The Prince went back to see if Thomas was still in one piece or not, or if he hasn't broken into tears yet.

"—CONSIDER YOURSELF DAMN LUCKY, YOU WIMP! YOU HAVEN'T TASTED SLIME WITH JUST A SINGLE SNIFF! THE NYA-KOBOLD WILL GET YOU!"

"Wh-what's a Ny-ny-nya-ko-bbbold?"

"THEY'RE SPAWNS FROM HELL! NYAAAA!"

"I think it's time to end this session," the prince said loudly over the swishing of Lazlo's swords and Thomas' cries. "To all Stars of Destiny (aka reader), please don't forget to vote for the Tenkai who has the most tragic past in your comment, just for the heck of it."

"We're going to read the Comment Box tomorrow?" Riou asked.

"Or many, many, months later. It depends if Thomas could still come the next time. My story hasn't been updated..."

"Yea, you didn't get as many reviews," Tir teased the prince.

Riou sighed. "My novelization hasn't been updated at all...I think it's on hold..."

"Wait! Please stop, Laaazzloo!"

"NYAAAA!"


	2. their HEROISM

**

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The Best Tenkai According To…**

…**their HEROISM**

**This is the second part of the story!

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**

Another day, another all-Tenkai meeting. Yes, that includes Thomas.

"So, can we count the votes now?" Tirs' voice came as he entered.

Thomas shook his head, drinking some tea. "No. We only count votes for every five chapters."

"Why?"

"Well, according to game character analysis and psychologist and some fanfiction authoress, character development happen more latter on—" Thomas stopped as he looked up to Tir. He gaped. "What kind of abomination of clothes are you wearing?" Thomas demanded, completely scandalized.

Tir was wearing a pimp black and white outfit that matched well with his bad-guy-like ponytailed hair. All he needed was a theme music, but Gremio was crushed by some fangirls along the way while following Tir.

"I had to lose some fangirls, so I went incognito. But then, I got a new set of fangirls."

Thomas was even more scandalized. "How could you possibly attract women by pretending to be someone you're not?"

When Tir replied with silence and Thomas' own words sinking in, he looked away sulkily. "Never mind." After all, all he won was some hyperactive girl who has twice stamina as he does.

"But those clothes cost the life of so many endangered species!" Thomas said.

Tir shrugged. "Yea. They lived well and long enough to be my clothes."

"Good day all!" Lazlo came in cheerfully. "Sorry I'm late. Fangirls caused some traffic in the hero street since some blond hobo was playing a pimp theme music."

"That'd be mine," Tir said.

"Oooh," he cooed with a whistle and said no more about it as if it was the only best answer that confirms everything. "Were you talking to Thomas?"

"Yea."

Lazlo was perplexed. "Why talk to a minor Tenkai?"

Tir became thoughtful. "I guess I had to somehow express my real character…"

A sly smile crossed Lazlo's face. "So an imminent friendship began?"

Tir, who was normally cool, was quite outraged. "With a minor Tenkai? That…" his voice faded, too shocked to finish.

Lazlo was happy to do it for Tir. "Yes. That would also pull your position to a Mijor."

"A Mijor?" Thomas asked.

Lazlo smirked. "A Mijor is the level between Minor and Major characters, usually holding a connection for the background and environment to the Major characters. As Minor characters are part of the background, you can call Mijors as 'mediators' between the two. Even though they are rather important plot bunnies, the audience does not pay attention to them at all and Mijors will never take a limelight in the story…at all."

The last words cracked Tir's light. "I…" he couldn't accept it! Suddenly, in the second chapter, he was a Mijor! He was also aware of the fact Mijors tend to become Minors eventually once they've done their part! He can't be a Minor!

Tir swiped an arm in the air. "What about Riou?" he asked, sounding upset.

Lazlo shrugged, hiding a dark smile. "I don't know. Perhaps there's only one way to settle this…"

Tir's face darkened. With the serious look on Tir's face, Thomas shivered.

Before the real answer could be met, a new visitor came along – the prince of Falenas.

"Hello everyone," he greeted. "Sorry for being late. Duties…."

He then felt like he just broke an atmosphere. "What happened?" he asked, though he figured he'd regret.

"Prince, we've got to do something!" Tir said alarmingly, clutching Freyjadour's shirt. "With all five Tenkais in one story, we can't possibly be all Major characters! Every chapter, someone's gonna hog the limelight, and when it develops…I don't wanna become a MINOR!"

"Wha? I've got a Queendom on my shoulders already, how come I have to do something about your ego issues?"

"Well," Lazlo started. "You're kind of a Mijor. You never really take the spotlight, but you have an important role to keep the story going. Sort of like a Senpai or Class President."

"WHAT?" The Prince demanded, enraged, shoving Tir to the wall in the process. "I don't think it's very _polite_ for you to start labeling us here! Look what you did to Tir!" And he pointed at Tir who now have brain damage after crashing to the concrete wall.

"Ahh, I thought I told them to use plaster for the wall…" Thomas muttered, shaking his head.

"If we have to prove anything, it would have to be about our…HEROISM!" Lazlo declared, followed by a stereo-echo effect.

The Prince frowned, crossing his arms. "All right, bring it!"

"HELLO EVERYONE!"

The circlet-wearing sixteen-year-old appeared into thin air, carrying the sacred COMMENT BOX.

"Looky! I've arranged the COMMENT BOX in alphabetical and numerical order all night and then I dumped them all here so it's easier for us to read them!"

"Excellent!" Tir cheered and he dug a hand in the COMMENT BOX. "We'll look to what they say about us, then we can tell who's the real hero here!" He drew a holy paper and began to read. "Aha, it's from me!" His smile sparkled. "From Ted! My best buddy! Wow, he was still alive when he wrote this. This is definitely a special memento!"

"_To Tir, my best buddy. By the time you read this, I'm probably in the cursed Soul Eater, my soul eternally sleeping in the rune with no chance of getting freed unless you commit suicide _blablabla _…but I'd like to say thank you for always giving me money even if you have to steal from your dad's bank account"_

"Well, there you go!" Tir grinned. "Oh wait, there's more!"

"…_if ever you meet with Lazlo though, tell him thanks for the cutter he gave me. He gave me a valuable gift. Now I can slit my wrist."_

"Cutters were very high-tech back then," Lazlo nodded.

"That selfish bastard!" Tir roared, tearing the paper into pieces.

Riou picked the next letter. "Ooh, it's from Nanami!"

The Prince frowned. "Isn't that a bit biased?"

"But it's pretty fair. Nanami is Riou's sister, so she would give an honest opinion of Riou," Thomas said.

"Let's see…to my beloved brother, Riou…"

"_Being a hero is difficult, but let me, your big sister, give you a few tips. Even though you have a long, boring, late-night war discussion, ALWAYS excuse yourself! You need sleep after all, they'll understand! As a hero, you have to look strong! You have to look as if you haven't broken a sweat in some stupid war everyone's dying in! Always SMILE and spread your BRIGHTNESS so that they'll think you're that awesome. When given the order to charge, ALWAYS stay behind! You have to make sure the enemy sees your flag, after all. Lastly, always say yes to Shu, and no to sex!"_

"Thank you, Nanami…" Riou sniffed.

"Riou, I have one question," Tir said seriously.

"Yes?"

"What if Shu asks you to sleep with him?"

"I don't see why not, though that's pretty odd! Is Shu afraid of the boogeyman?"

"I mean SEX, you dumbass!"

Riou looked up, thinking. "Hmm…that's pretty hard! I'll have to ask Nanami!"

"Tir, I don't think you should be asking those…" Thomas interrupted, pinkish in the face.

"Well, let's move on!" Riou said cheerfully.

"I'll pick the next one," the Prince of Falena said with an air of eloquence.

"Wait, your majesty!" the Toran hero shouted. "Let me pick for you, o great one…"

"Tir, step in Falena and I'll have you clean the shoes I tell you to spit on and be immediately beheaded for spitting on my shoes in front of your people."

"From Georg Prime…"

"Georg!" the Prince beamed.

"I heard of him…he was a general in the Scarlet Moon Empire…" Tir pondered out loud. "He says…"

"_Prince, I'd like to say that you grew in a fine man fitting to be the commander of the Queen's Knights. It's sad you weren't as masculine as your father, but at least charming! You are a skillful warrior in combat and a sharp mind to use for your country. But you already know all those, right? Why not send me some cheesecakes? At least Riou keeps on sending me some! You're so stingy when it comes to money. Steal some tax, geez."_

"Mmm, cheesecakes…" Riou dreamt awake. "It goes well with tea."

Thomas nodded. "Yes it does."

"Riou, did you happen to have a son right after the war?" the Prince asked with stored angry, clenching fist tightly.

"Didn't you hear? Say no to sex!" Tir sang.

"Well, Prince, you should pay attention to your family and friends much more than your country," Lazlo said sagely. "All of us here but you have family members that breathe until today."

"Agreed!" Tir echoed. "Even if the country starves to death, at least buy Mr. Prime some cheesecakes."

The Prince could only swear under his breath.

"But Nanami is alive!" Riou suddenly said.

"No, she got shot by an arrow," Lazlo pointed out.

"No, she's alive!"

Tir sighed. "Look kid, your sister's DEAD."

"Gu-guys!" Thomas yelled nervously. "At least tell it to him nicely…"

"BUT SHE'S ALIVE!" And Riou began to cry :'(

"I'll pick again!" Tir said, taking a paper from the COMMENT BOX, which sank on the floor along with Riou's crying form.

Tir gasped. "It's…LEKNAAT!"

Everyone immediately paid attention (Riou: BUT SHE'S ALIVE! HUHUHUHU).

"_To all the Tenakai's_

_As a seer who never gives a damn about explanations, I know exactly why you're reading this. First, there was Tir who believed in his best friend even though he had to go against the whole empire and his father; three years later, there was Riou who was betrayed by the country he loved and fought for; fifteen years later, Thomas who stood for what he believed in for peace with whatever power he has; then one hundred fifty years later 18 years before Thomas came to be, there was Lazlo whose fate landed him exiled with only his friends whose faith he lived; then around one hundred something after, years before Tir, and so there was Prince Freyjadour who lost his family and life, and risked everything against a conspiracy to save his country and sister…_

_Each of you showed your own way of courage against the trial of times, something that had become heroic at that time the way each of you showed faith through their actions._

_But really, who cares about those things now? Basically, you just have to use the rune and follow your strategist's order."_

"She has a point there," Lazlo commented after the long silence.

"I'm going to be honest," Thomas said. "I never really did much. I just gave what all I have. I never really got IN t the war."

"Say yes to Shu, say no to sex!" Riou repeated, believing inside that his sister was alive somewhere.

Tir shrugged. "I fought lots of times. Not much leading. The rune was very helpful though. It's so dark it gives me kewl emo powers. Have you seen fanarts of me with that rune? Four letters. H A W T."

"What the fuck!" the Prince shouted at the top of his lungs. "I HAD A CRAPPY RUNE! And it's NOT even a True Rune! It's a DAMN CRAPPY RUNE THAT CAN'T KILL A BUG! And I had to go IN CIRCLES GETTING CHASED BY THE GODWINS, THEN HAVE TO FIGHT IN WATER AND LAND, THEN ATTEND SO MANY MEETINGS AND MAKE SO MANY DECISIONS! JESUS, WHAT THE FUCK! Suuure Lucretia was a great strategist…but hey, no pressure! She keeps on saying that if I make a wrong decision, she'll abandon me! NO PRESSURE!"

Everyone frowned. "Prince, just be modest. Everyone in the room knows those stuffs. No need to make up stories," Tir said.

"I guess it's what you'd expect from the royalty," Lazlo said, sighing with that knowing smile.

"The Prince is tired," Thomas commented. "I have read the fanfic about him. Yes, it hasn't been updated, but from what I read, it was very…" Thomas cleared his throat. "I shouldn't comment on it…"

The Prince was close in taking out his weapon. "The fanfic's not my autobiography! But it's still based on my life!"

"Yes, yes," Lazlo said warily, waving a hand in the air. "Your chapter 4 just got 1 review…"

"Riou's novelization hasn't been updated for a year!" Freyjadour fumed.

"Hey, I think the novalization's pretty cool. Compared to the real Riou, the fake one's cooler," Tir said.

Lazlo nodded. "Yes, fakes are always better."

"So just chillax, Prince…"

The next day, the Queendom of Falena updated their blacklist. Four Tenkai could no longer step in the country.


End file.
